"You're Too Thin Anyway"

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"You're too thin anyway," is what they like to say to me when I open up about my eating disorders. Some of them tell me that men don't like thin women. That gay men are the ones who set beauty standards for our bodies. "Men don't just like bones," they say with - I'm sure - the best of intentions.

These kinds of comments trigger me even more than people - especially men - telling me that I'm "not that thin" or that I look great because I'm skinny or that I have amazing legs. Even more than those who confirm my belief that I'll be unlovable when my ribs are no longer visible due to weight gain.

What people who make these two kinds of comments don't understand (or choose to ignore) is that eating disorders are not simply the visualisation of a thin body, they are a state of mind. Being thin has been a huge part of my identity all my life. The abs that are only visible because of my low percentage of body fat are one of the few reasons I feel desirable, and when someone tells me I'm too skinny, it makes me question everything. Because if "no one likes women with bones sticking out of their skin", then there is nothing to like about my appearance. Then there's something wrong with me.

This realisation doesn't make me run to the gym and work out to build some muscles, or jump up and run to the fridge to eat some cake. It just makes me feel unworthy of love, and I need to regain control. And how do we, people with eating disorders, regain control? Through food rules: eating less, portion control, starving ourselves, eating only 'good' food.

Please do not comment on the appearance when someone talks to you about eating disorders!

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