Brash (Eight)

It's better to regret not having children than to regret having them!

Bolje je obžalovati, da nimaš otrok, kot obžalovati, da jih imaš!

ADRENALINE

I like to say that I like to live on the edge: climbing ferratas that are too hard for me, pushing the limits of my body in sport, I adore adrenaline. I cross the road as if I had twelve lives, I jump into the water without first checking the safety of its depth. And then there are the relationships, which I would prefer to avoid anyway - it would be the easiest way - but I crave them perhaps even more than the feeling of self-satisfaction and peace with life and with myself after a really long run, or, say, lungs full of life after a zipline descent. Relationships are much scarier than clinging to a climbing wall hoping I don't slip: what if he doesn't like me, what if he doesn't want me, what if he hasn't gotten over his ex and I'm just a bandage to prevent an active bleeding heart and he needs to change it every few weeks? Is it worth the risk to dive into a relationship without a second thought, to ask him out, to jump into shallow water? What if I break my bones? What if I break my heart?

ADRENALIN

Zase rada rečem, da rada živim na robu: plezam zase pretežke ferate, v športu premikam meje lastnega telesa, obožujem adrenalin. Cesto prečkam kot bi imela dvanajst življenj, v vodo skočim ne da bi se prej prepričala o varnosti njene globine. In potem pridemo do odnosov, ki bi se jim že tako najraje izognila – tako bi bilo najlažje – vendar hrepenim po njih morda celo bolj kot po občutku samozadovoljstva in pomirjenosti z življenjem ter samo s sabo po zares dolgem teku ali denimo pljuči, polnimi življenja po spustu na ziplinu. Odnosi so veliko bolj strašni od oklepanja plezalne stene v upanju, da mi ne spodrsne: kaj, če mu nisem všeč, kaj, če me noče, kaj, če še ni prebolel svoje bivše in sem le povoj za preprečevanje aktivnega krvavenja srca in ga je potrebno menjati vsakih nekaj tednov? Se splača tvegati in se brez pomišljanja potopiti v odnos, ga povabiti ven, skočiti v plitko vodo? Kaj, če si polomim kosti? Kaj, če si zlomim srce?

GAMES

Two ipsilons in "heyy". Not a bad sign, right? What did I do yesterday? You want the truth? I was worried about the future and the past, but mostly about the present of our relationship. I've been waiting for you to text me. Because I want to give you time. Then today, I just caved in anyway, fed up with the games, and asked you how you were. I don't want it to seem like I don't care. But I don't want you to feel like I'm putting pressure on you either. No, you don't want the truth. And even if you did, I won't admit it. I went on a field trip. I wrote a little. Nothing special. Games.

IGRE

Dva ipsilona v »heyy«. To ni slab znak, kajne? Kaj sem včeraj počela? Hočeš resnico? Sekirala sem se glede prihodnosti in preteklosti, predvsem pa sedanjosti najinega odnosa. Čakala, da mi pišeš. Ker ti hočem dati čas. Potem sem danes vseeno klonila, dovolj imam teh iger, in te vprašala, kako si. Nočem, da izpade kot, da mi je vseeno. Ampak nočem niti, da imaš občutek, da pritiskam nate. Ne, nočeš resnice. In tudi če jo, ne bom priznala. Šla sem na ekskurzijo. Malo sem pisala. Nič posebnega. Igre.