A Bowl

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You ask me why I'm hugging you like it's the last time and am trying to get the most out of every moment we spend together. Just a few minutes ago you said you didn't know how you felt about me. That you don't know how this relationship will evolve. Before you go, you kiss me and give me that look I fell in love with: you smile slightly and look at me from under your forehead. I notice the bowl on the table that you brought when I was sick and you made me tea. You have forgotten it countless times. I don't want to remind you that you have to take it home, even though it takes up half of the space on my table and is actually more of an inconvenience than anything else. Because then you'll have no reason to come back. Because apart from your smell on my pillow and tears, it may be the only thing I have left of you. At the last moment, you notice it. You take it because you have just enough room in your bag today - or so you say. I sit in the dark, crying. There is a void on the table and in my heart.

This is my first so called "deeper" post. I will probably look back at it in a few years or even months and cringe. My style is usually - take my word for it - a bit more playful and cheerful, with a sarcastic tone. Therefore, please do not take this post as a good representation of my writing. I'm no longer a depressed, all-against-everything teenager (technically I'm twenty, so no one can call me out on that), but as you might have guessed, I'm feeling a bit down today, so I have translated this paragraph I wrote in my own language a few months ago about a situation with a foregin guy that I met on a long-term exchange. I got over him fairly quickly, though: it helps to say to yourself: "whatever, it's an Erasmus1 experience," have a Radegast2 (I was on exchange in Czechia and that is how we, self-proclaimed locals, deal with problems) and go for a hike or a barbecue with some random Kazakhs.


1 Erasmus+ is a type of exchange for students of the European Union and some other countries

2 Radegast is a beer brand. The best one.

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