"I Must Be Fine 'Cause My Heart's Still Beating"

 Last October, I'd just missed a bus, so I was waiting patiently at the bus stop with my headphones on, trying to read a book, when two women with children stopped right next to me. I'm not sure what book I wanted to read, but it certainly wasn't an interesting one, as I managed to overhear their entire conversation: they were talking in childish voices and simplified language about little bees on socks and teddy bears and the best organic spoons for babies. What I heard made me want to bang my head against the metal structure of the bus station's porch. I'm not even being dramatic: just the thought of my life being yellow-ducks-on-blue-hats centered made me anxious. It became a good motivation to start the new academic year strong. I swore I'd never let myself drift through life like that.

But the weeks and then months went by and the overwhelming thought that I might end up like those mothers wore off and, to be honest, I even forgot about the incident until a few days ago when I was watching a cooking show and a woman said she loved Greece and something between the lines of: "I live for the three weeks a year I spend there". All year long she works her butt off, drives the kids to school and activities, goes to work, cooks, cleans etc. And then the three weeks in Greece come and she's finally happy.* That was the moment I promised myself once again that I would never (even if I changed my mind and had children one day) settle for a small life without meaning.

The way I see it, all we get are these few decades of life. And just existing and reproducing can't be all there is. We have to find a greater meaning that isn't universal, and the only way to do that is to explore. Because "I must be fine 'cause my heart's still beating", as The White Stripes sing in one of their songs, is just not enough for me.

But here comes the question: if motherhood is what we are "made for", what is there to life if we don't reproduce?

* Is how I interpreted her words, no I don't know her whole story and I'm not judging anyone here. Some people might be happy with their pink-mice-on-white-bibs orientated lives and that's okay!