Why have I gone back to using dating apps? I was bored. Bored as hell. Or maybe I was procrastinating over studying cybernetics, which are somehow connected to psychotherapy. And well... I was starting to think that I was ready for dating. So, as if meeting new people in run clubs three times a week wasn't enough, I once again chose Bumble, another hell.
The attention I get there is quite flattering, to be honest. If I become a narcissist because of all the compliments, likes and cheesy lines, I'll add the name Narcissa to my own, as I've always liked it. Narcissa Malfoy in the Harry Potter series is iconic. But we all know there are far more men than women on these apps, so it's no wonder they'll go for anyone.
BUILDING UP THE PROFILE
I created a simple profile with a funny bio, added a few photos — some basic, some less so — and listed a few interests and my studies. I skipped the horoscope out of principle and selected "feminism" and "immigrant rights" under "causes and communities", just to ensure conservatives swipe left on me. I also connected my Spotify profile to the dating app and stated that I'm an active, tall, left-wing, childless woman with no intention of having children, who doesn't smoke and drinks occasionally. Not so hard, was it? It took me around ten minutes to put this together.
Well, it turns out that it might not be that simple for everyone. I've never seen so many blurry pictures in my life! Do people even have hobbies they're enthusiastic about anymore? Why is everyone suddenly so passionate about 'pizza' or 'watching TV shows'? A minority of people do put in effort, though. A few accounts are actually innovative and funny, while others are just straight-up offensive. Adi, if you like chubby girls, just swipe on them; you don't need to put it in your bio. Jaka, I doubt women will be all over you if you tell them you dry hump your pillow every night. I've also seen horrors like 'no loose vaginas' or 'no saggy tits'.
SWIPING
Okay, so we've built our profiles — it's time to start swiping! I understand that there's a shortage of women on these apps, but could you at least check the profile before swiping right on me? You're a Christian, conservative farmer who 'likes his women short' and wants children. So why do I — the agnostic, tall, left-leaning, 'migrant-loving', anti-natalist vegan — get the notification "You missed a potential match" when I swipe left on you?
TEXTING
Well, we've swiped through the profiles, and congratulations — we've matched! My opening line is, 'What was the last thing that made you smile?' Not the most original, I agree. But is it really the fault of the opening move that at least five men responded with "the match with you"? OK, I'll take that as a compliment.
Let's start chatting! Could you please just act normal and not tell me that I'm so thin that my organs wouldn't even fit a premature baby? Can we move on from casual flirting and talk about more important things? I'm trying to date you here! I need to know about your values and interests, not the kind of foot fetish you have. Is it too much to ask to show some interest in my hobbies and not just answer with one word? Or, when I ask you about something, not to change the subject right away? I'm really trying to show interest in your gaming, anime, gym or any other hobby you love that I don't care for.
That's all — just a little rant from me. I should start linking people to this post so they can see what my priorities are.
Komentarji
Objavite komentar