It was raining outside, I was home alone, and I'd spent most of the evening dancing around the kitchen, listening to one of my favourite melancholic songs, while I made oatmeal for the next day's breakfast, and baked a single-serving date fudge cake, to be iced with more sweet and sticky date caramel. I hadn't been sleeping very well the last few nights, so I made myself a cup of lavender tea with fir honey to calm down. I read a few poems aloud and watched an episode of a reality show with the cat purring in my lap. In short, what I'd call a perfect evening.
The lavender tea - or its placebo effect - seemed to be working: I could feel myself getting calmer and sleepier. Then, out of the blue, I started to feel a little sad and couldn't get the lyrics: "and this is just a tune for when you feeling shite, your world's upside down and you don't know why," out of my mind.
That there is no happiness without sadness, no love without hate and no war without peace is a well-known fact: if you never feel pain, you can't sense its absence. So when I'm at my happiest, I also feel a little sad. Perhaps because I know that nothing lasts forever and my peace will soon be disturbed by daily chores, studies, struggles and worries, or perhaps the tears I feel welling up are just a subtle reminder of my current happiness.
I drank the rest of my my lavender tea with fir honey and fell asleep seventeen eighteenths happy.
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