"You'll Never Want to Get Married After This"

I've been doing my practical training at a social work centre in the field of domestic violence and primary social support. A few days ago, a woman came in asking how to apply for a divorce as she and her husband have minor children. Her "case" was quite "simple": they have been living separately for months and both see the children every day, but when my mentor left the room, the woman looked at me, smiled and said: "You'll never want to get married after this, will you?

This made me think. It's not her case in particular that makes me lose faith in humanity: if anything, it restores it a little, because it shows some maturity in adult people who once loved each other and are now parents of children, taking full responsibility for that role. On the other hand, I spend eight hours a day, five days a week, listening to victims and perpetrators of abuse, reading their files and talking to other students and staff about their cases. And then I go home and have to write a diary about what has happened. After that - because it has become a big part of my life - I tell my friends and family about the things that have happened.

When people ask me how I like my "job", I usually start by saying: "I love..." and then realise how bizarre it sounds that I "love" a job that revolves around violence. I like it. I like feeling helpful. But it's also affecting my mental health.  I won't go into detail, but it can be brutal: from rape (in front of children) and horrific neglect due to drug abuse to a woman who was stabbed thirteen times. And after thinking about these cases all day, one of the students said that she once saw a happy little family in a park and thought that the father must be abusing the children. It happens to me all the time too: after talking to a man for five minutes, I decide that he is definitely a violent person when he drinks.

That's a quick toxic shift in mentality that happens when you're surrounded by violence, I guess. If I was picky and avoidant about romantic relationships before, I am extremely so now. In the end, maybe the woman who claimed I'd never want to get married after the internship was right.