Brash (Twelve)

I can't believe there are a dozen (I love that word) "Brash" posts! Here are a few old pieces of writing for you.

DOLLS

In the middle of the night, I suddenly wake up hungry. I toss and turn restlessly for a while, then get up, turn on my phone, and see a message. Now I really can't sleep, in the best sense of the word. It's not so much that I expect anything serious to come of it—experience has taught me otherwise—I can already list five reasons why a serious relationship wouldn't work and three that show it's foolish to even try, but I can't help imagining myself with him. Or rather, him with me. Just like when I was a child and my sister and I dressed our prettiest Barbie doll in the prettiest clothes and placed any old Ken doll beside her as if it were just a fashion accessory. Within four minutes, the dolls were already stuffing themselves with a plastic multi-tiered wedding cake, and within fifteen minutes, they had forgotten all about each other.

LUTKE

Sredi noči se nenadoma sestradana zbudim. Nekaj časa se nemirno premetavam, nato vstanem, prižgem telefon in na njem zagledam sporočilo. Zdaj pa res ne morem spat v najboljšem pomenu besede. Ne gre toliko za to, da bi pričakovala, da bo iz tega kaj resnega - izkušnje učijo drugače - prav tako lahko že zdaj naštejem pet razlogov, zakaj resna zveza ne bi delovala, in tri, ki kažejo na to, da je neumno sploh poskušati kaj v tej smeri, vseeno pa si ne morem kaj, da si v glavi ne bi predstavljala sebe ob njem. Oziroma bolj njega ob sebi. Tako kot v otroških letih, ko sva s sestro najlepšo barbiko oblekli v najlepša oblačila in ji ob bok kot še en modni dodatek postavili kateregakoli Kena. V štirih minutah sta se lutki že nažirali s plastično večnadstropno poročno torto, čez petnajst sta pozabili ena na drugo.

LAUGHTER

Before you leave, you hug me, the hug seems almost desperate, and you kiss me lightly on the forehead. When you put on your shoes, it may seem like I'm holding back so I don't burst into tears, but it's just the opposite: I'm practically shaking with laughter. When did we go from a passionate relationship to an uncertain hug? From sex to a light kiss on the forehead, which is probably the same as the one you give your sisters? HAHAHA. Am I going crazy?

SMEH

Preden odideš, me objameš, objem se zdi skorajda obupan, in rahlo poljubiš na čelo. Ko si obuvaš čevlje, se morda zdi, da se zadržujem, da ne bi planila v jok, pa je ravno nasprotno: praktično tresem se od smeha. Kdaj sva šla od strastnega odnosa do negotovega objema? Od seksa do rahlega poljuba na čelo, ki je najbrž enak kot tisti, ki ga nameniš sestram? HAHAHA. Se mi meša?

ROMANTIC LITERATURE

There is literature and there are songs that describe crazy love. But there are also those that focus on broken hearts or the slow fading of the spark. In all this romantic and catastrophic and sad and joyful emotional rollercoaster, we often forget about completely ordinary days. No one writes poems about the stress before a date, let alone about perfectly decent first dates that don't end with a kiss in the rain or despair or a trip to Paris, but are just a good foundation for getting to know the other person and determining if they are suitable as a partner. When we laugh over tea and coffee, look at each other and listen to each other, and leave with a good feeling and a few reservations.

What if he didn't like me, though?

LJUBEZENSKA LITERATURA

Je literatura in so pesmi, ki opisujejo noro ljubezen. Pa tudi take, ki se osredotočajo na strta srca ali počasno izginjanje iskrice. V vsem tem romantičnem in katastrofičnem in žalostnem in veselem čustvenem vrtiljaku pogosto pozabimo na popolnoma običajne dni. Nihče ne piše pesmi o stresu pred zmenkom, kaj šele o popolnoma solidnih prvih zmenkih, ki se ne končajo s poljubom v dežju ali obupom ali izletom v Pariz, pač pa so samo dober temelj za spoznavanje druge osebe in ugotavljanje, če je primerna za partnerja/-ko. Ko se ob čaju in kavi nasmejiva, nagledava in naposlušava en drugega ter odideva z dobrim občutkom in z nekaj pomisleki.

Kaj pa če jaz nisem bila všeč njemu?