Lost Supposedly Funny Dragoness

WHEN?!  If at all?  Where has all the  optimism  gone? KDAJ?! Če sploh? Kam je izginil optimizem? LOST IN A RELATIONSHIP Lost in a relationship. I watch, smell, touch, and especially listen. It is clear now: less and less. IZGUBLJENA V ODNOSU Izgubljena v odnosu. Gledam, voham, se dotikam, predvsem pa poslušam. In mi je jasno: vedno manj. ZTRACENÝ VE VZTAHU Ztracený ve vztahu. Dívám se, čichám, dotýkám se, a hlavně poslouchám. Teď už je to jasné: čím dál méně. LABYRINTH This relationship is a labyrinth. I have been wandering its endless paths for weeks. The hedge opens and closes and I have reached dead ends countless times. Sometimes I hold his hand along the way, sometimes we part. We agree to meet in the middle, where the real beginning is. Occasionally I think he deliberately lets go of my hand and wanders off to the north-east, away from the agreed destination. He says he is not sure. That he wants to be absolutely sure that the centre is the destina...

The morning air calms me and gives me hope and a quiet thought of  you . Jutranji zrak me pomirja in mi prinaša upanje ter tiho misel  nate . CRY 1 First I feel a growing anxiety that starts in my stomach and quickly spreads to my throat, where a tight lump forms. I swallow hard. My lips swell slightly, the blood flow increases to the point where I can feel every beat of my fast beating heart. Then tears well up in my eyes, turning them a bluer shade. As if I had lost control of my features, my eyebrows lower and the corners of my mouth droop. I feel cold, a chill coming from deep inside my chest. My hands tremble. Finally, a single salty tear slides down my cheek. Slowly, like a tiny falling star, it leaves a thin, shining trail; a trail of pain. JOK 1 Najprej začutim naraščajočo tesnobo, ki izvira iz trebuha in se naglo širi proti grlu, kjer nastane tesen cmok. Težko pogoltnem. Ustnice mi rahlo zatečejo, prekrvavitev se tako poveča, da v njih čutim vsak utrip naglo razbijajo...

I hate him. Because I love him. Sovražim ga. Zato, ker ga ljubim. CRY 2 Sometimes crying is not as beautiful as it is described in books. It's not as if a single pearly tear runs down my cheek . I don't necessarily  sob quietly . Sometimes I try to catch my breath and wonder if I will be able to breathe in again. At the same time, I am strangely aware that most of my tears are coming from my left eye, my right cheek is barely moist. My nose is runny, everything is sticky, my eyes are red, my face is swollen, I am scratching and pulling out my hair. When I finally calm down, which can take an hour or so, my hands shake tiredly. I cry like this a few times a year and it is very cathartic. JOK 2 Včasih jok ni lep kot ga opisujejo knjige. Ne spolzi mi ena sama bisernata solza po licu . Ni nujno, da tiho zaihtim . Včasih lovim sapo, sprašujem se, če mi bo naslednjič uspelo vdihniti. Hkrati se čudno jasno zavedam tega, da mi večina solz polzi iz levega očesa, desno lice je komajda...

Hehe, I found a Word document where I sometimes write short random texts (brash). It seems to be a gold mine for the blog. All texts were first written in Slovenian and later translated into English for a wider audience purposes. So here is the first part of many: HOPE(LESSNESS) I cry, but at the same time I tell myself that it's time to get up, wipe away the tears and snot, wash my face and go. I have to go on with my life as if nothing has happened, as if everything inside me is not breaking down, as if my heart is not giving in to the thick slime in which it is drowning. The easiest thing to do would be to give up. But I never do. Fear of death used to keep me alive. Now I am afraid of dying too soon and missing out on something. There is a shred of THAT DAMN HOPE that keeps me from just throwing my hands in the air. I am also afraid to cry in front of others. What if I just wrap myself in a blanket and cry myself to death? The thought is damn comforting. I want my tears to wet ...

It's taken me over twenty-one years, but I've finally realised what my favourite season is: it's spring! Summer is certainly carefree, but it can become either boring or overwhelming due to the high expectations (summer jobs, the urge to have as much fun as possible, travelling). In autumn, it's time to say goodbye to carelessness and welcome another academic year into our lives. I soon start to miss being bored and overwhelmed with fun. The wind gets too strong, it's uncomfortably cold, but I refuse to start wearing winter sweaters. A moment later, the cold wind gets colder, the air in my hometown is polluted and the fog is everywhere. When I go to class (always in trousers, and I hate wearing trousers), I miss the only three rays of sunshine that come once a week, if we're lucky. Christmas is nice and my favourite holiday, I love snow and skiing and everything that goes with it, but at the end of the day (which is at three in the afternoon, according to the su...